Time to read: 62 seconds
I have a few more thoughts about difficult conversations that didn't fit neatly into the series. So, here they are, in no particular order:
- The best way to deal with difficult conversations is to have good relationships. Bad news and hard topics are easier to manage when the relationship is on solid ground. When relationships are strained, hard conversations rarely go well. So, prioritize connection and relationship building.
- Conflicts are almost never about the thing. They are almost always about the feelings and the relationship. I worked as a community meditator in a small claims court many years ago and learned that conflict is never about the money. They were always about feeling cheated or a friendship that fell apart or betrayed or hurt. Reactions to bad news are about sadness, fear, or uncertainty. So, address that deeper level when engaging in hard conversations, not just the topic.
- You don't need to justify yourself. When you are drawing a boundary ("We will not talk politics at Thanksgiving") or breaking up ("This isn't working for me anymore""I'm letting you go. This job isn't a good fit"), you don't have to justify yourself. Often, there is no productive argument. You are simply explaining what you will and won't do, what you will and won't tolerate. "This doesn't work for me" is enough. End of story. Except....
- When you need to deliver a hard performance evaluation or give someone feedback in an ongoing relationship, the other person deserves an explanation and additional information.
Next week: A few more tips and tricks about difficult conversations.
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